The Scabs of Our Family

Dear Children,

Ahhh. . .so good to hear from you. It is like the feeling of a cold blast of well water hitting the tongue on a hot summer day. It is like the feeling of unloading a massive whitehead on your forehead right before leaving for school.

Papa C, so sorry to hear about Essentials; I will be experiencing the wrath of Turtle Man tomorrow when I attempt to cancel my membership, only to hear him spout out complete nonsense. Wily C, glad to see you're as crazy as ever. . .let's keep the bleez knees going.

To the rest of my family who haven't responded, you can lick the sweat from my crack.

Today, while at work, I was pondering the many idiosyncracies among our kind; this spawned from a strangely stout man who stood above a urinal, purposely urinating into the little cup of water. Is this common? Do any of you do it?

I figure, and maybe it's because of my height, that it's completely normal to pee against the wall of the urinal. First of all, it doesn't create much noise, and second, it prevents splashing. The last thing I want when I'm draining is a bunch of it splashing back at me. Pee goes out and stays out, that's what I say. (Unless you happen to be Bear Grylls. . .then you soak shirts in pee and wrap them around your head. . .all while occasionally enjoying a tasty sip). . .

This brings another question. If you had to drink a bottle of urine, would you rather have it cold or warm? This question baffles me. Normally, these types of decisions don't require much thought. . .brews are good cold, coffee hot, women hot. But pee? I'm not sure. . . .I guess if I had to decide, I'd probably prefer it warm than cold. . .the thought of tipping back a cold bottle of pee makes me shudder.

Well, that's enough for today's musings. If any of you other Chaunsons would care to write something, I would greatly appreciate it. . .it's not like you have anything better to do. . .I mean, you can lie to us and say you do, but we all know you're as worthless as the next piece of garbage next to you. How about I shove my foot in your anal cavity?

Grandpa C